17 Reasons Not to Slit Your Wrists by Michael Moore

[Wagh]

Dear Friends,

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's,
in the words of Monty Python, "always look on the bright side of life!"
There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since
Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young
adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are
always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the
country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth
fighting (51%), and don't approve of the job George W. Bush is doing
(52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an
American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in
the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the
Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do
their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.

6. Michigan voted for Kerry! So did the entire Northeast, the birthplace
of our democracy. So did 6 of the 8 Great Lakes States. And the whole West
Coast! Plus Hawaii. Ok, that's a start. We've got most of the fresh water,
all of Broadway, and Mt. St. Helens. We can dehydrate them or bury them in
lava. And no more show tunes!

7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any
old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut.
May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will
no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If
you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly
golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get
married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts
we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress,
including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to
have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates
can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

13. At the state legislative level, Democrats picked up a net of at least
3 chambers in Tuesday's elections. Of the 98 partisan-controlled state
legislative chambers (house/assembly and senate), Democrats went into the
2004 elections in control of 44 chambers, Republicans controlled 53
chambers, and 1 chamber was tied. After Tuesday, Democrats now control 47
chambers, Republicans control 49 chambers, 1 chamber is tied and 1 chamber
(Montana House) is still undecided.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than
the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out
-- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard
work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in
12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll
treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time
at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already
proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a
very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two
scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the
Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his
ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that
history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for
too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and
arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such
major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from
office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of
voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a
landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If
you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you
barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line,
pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start
the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope!
More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the
candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the
total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or
Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are
looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for
the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal.
The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news.
What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts
liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the
mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report
the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they
don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My
Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a
wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore
MMFlint@aol.com
http://www.michaelmoore.com

[|darc|]

#9

[weeperofsouls]

i think #9 was an attempt at humor.

[Cn'Fused]

Ah, Michael Moore.
We know you're full of crap, but don't go yet. We need satire

[SuperMegatron]

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the
candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the
total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or
Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are
looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for
the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal.
The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news.
What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts
liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the
mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report
the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they
don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.


as a percentage of the population at the time Reagan got more votes then Bush or Kerry. Moore distorts the facts yet again to support his guy and his liberal ideology. Infact when Reagan ran for his second term he one 49 states lets see one of his "Liberals" do that.

[Veggita2099]

Even though I am a stupid Buckeye I did vote for Kerry so I got bitchin rights...

[|darc|]

as a percentage of the population at the time Reagan got more votes then Bush or Kerry. Moore distorts the facts yet again to support his guy and his liberal ideology. Infact when Reagan ran for his second term he one 49 states lets see one of his "Liberals" do that.

I'm not defending Moore on this but you just rightwang the same statistic in another thread

[Stormwatch]

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

No, it is a sign that, as people grow older and wiser, they tend to turn away from left-wing worldviews - and realize Mooron's crockumentaries are full of crap.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

What's up with Mooron's obsession about black people? Of course, no mention of Condoleeza Rice... who, by the way, I would love to see as the next president! GO CONDI '08!!!

Ever wondered why blacks vote left-wing? Because democraps make black people feel good about their own failures! "Hey, it's not your fault that you fail, it's because this evil ethnocentric racist system hinders you! Vote us and we will subsidize you, lower college standards, give you quotas, yadda yadda." Check what Thomas Sowell has to say about it.

[weeperofsouls]

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

No, it is a sign that, as people grow older and wiser, they tend to turn away from left-wing worldviews - and realize Mooron's crockumentaries are full of crap.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

What's up with Mooron's obsession about black people? Of course, no mention of Condoleeza Rice... who, by the way, I would love to see as the next president! GO CONDI '08!!!

Ever wondered why blacks vote left-wing? Because democraps make black people feel good about their own failures! "Hey, it's not your fault that you fail, it's because this evil ethnocentric racist system hinders you! Vote us and we will subsidize you, lower college standards, give you quotas, yadda yadda." Check what Thomas Sowell has to say about it.

you're an idiot.

[Wagh]

democraps

.. I shall never read another post by you.

[Roofus]

Yeah, see you lost every last bit of credibility with the "Big Bag of Lard" "democraps" and misspelling of "moron."

[Stormwatch]

you're an idiot.

I shall never read another post by you.

Oh, come on, is THAT the best rebuke you guys can get me?

Yeah, see you lost every last bit of credibility with the "Big Bag of Lard" "democraps" and misspelling of "moron."

Hey! I didn't misspell moron. I misspelt Moore! Get your facts straight! Also, take a good look at any pic of the guy and tell me "Big Bag of Lard" doesn't fit him like a glove!

[Roofus]

Yeah, see you lost every last bit of credibility with the "Big Bag of Lard" "democraps" and misspelling of "moron."

Hey! I didn't misspell moron. I misspelt Moore! Get your facts straight! Also, take a good look at any pic of the guy and tell me "Big Bag of Lard" doesn't fit him like a glove!

You tell me how his weight has any relevance to his movies or his political views. Fat jokes show an utter lack of creativity and effort on your part. What you're saying is "I don't have an intelligent response to what Michael Moore has to say, so I'll just call him fat and get a laugh and feel like I'm part of the group!" How often have you heard someone worth listening to call Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton a "n*gger?" Never.

[toastman]

as a percentage of the population at the time Reagan got more votes then Bush or Kerry. Moore distorts the facts yet again to support his guy and his liberal ideology. Infact when Reagan ran for his second term he one 49 states lets see one of his "Liberals" do that.

But I like how you and the rest of the conservatives like to state that more people voted for Bush than any other president in other threads. Pick a metric and stick with it.

[weeperofsouls]

you're an idiot.

I shall never read another post by you.

Oh, come on, is THAT the best rebuke you guys can get me?

see, some people like to debate using things like logic and intelligence. you obviously dont subscribe to such notions, so writing out an educated, researched rebuke would be a waste.

besides, you ARE an idiot.

[Stormwatch]

What you're saying is "I don't have an intelligent response to what Michael Moore has to say, so I'll just call him fat and get a laugh and feel like I'm part of the group!"

Seems you did not read the whole post. I clearly addressed two points of Moore's inane message.

[mankrip]

Big Bag of Lard

Mooron

crockumentaries

democraps

If it wasn't for his name I wouldn't believe that this guy is from here.

[Roofus]

What you're saying is "I don't have an intelligent response to what Michael Moore has to say, so I'll just call him fat and get a laugh and feel like I'm part of the group!"

Seems you did not read the whole post. I clearly addressed two points of Moore's inane message.

I did read your post. The very post you invalidated with such gems as "crockumentaries." Now if you would kindly answer my questions:

• How is his weight relevant to his movies, political views or anything else we're discussing?
• How often have you heard someone worth listening to call Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton a "n*gger?"

[Stormwatch]

Fragger:
Dif?cil de acreditar que ainda exista gente de direita no Brasil al?m de generais aposentados, n?o ? mesmo? Bem, recomendo que leia o M?dia Sem M?scara.

Roofus:
A crockumentary is a piece of propaganda disguised as a documentary. Pretty much what Moore's works are. Come on, he is so bad that even some people on the left can't stand him and want his crap debunked!

Note: not the same thing as a mockumentary - a fictitious documentary with no malicious purpose, such as "This is Spinal Tap" or "The Blair Witch Project".

Your replies:

* No, his weight is irrelevant. It's just fun to bash the scoundrel!
* Never, but being black is not a bad thing, while being a fat and ugly liar is terrible. Not like I would have many chances to hear about these guys anyway - I mean, other than the occasional Elftor reference.

[kingbuzzo]

AD FUCKING HOMINEM


moore is not some saviour to trust and follow, he's a man who will show a view that is kept hidden from the world. In this age you can't really get the message across unless you're a real politician about it ie: manipulating statistics, embelishing truths, and other little tricks that walk along the fence that borders lying.

The bare essentials of his messages are important things to know about your country though. His methods are questionable, but if he pisses you off...I'd hate to think of what America's president would have to do.