The War on Matt

[AgentGreen]

So I'm waging war on a disgusting little George Costanza fuck that hangs out with my friends and likes drunk-dialing me while I'm sick.

This little fuck here on the left.

I need a few more ideas than what I have already.
Not looking for anything clever or subtle, because the idiot wouldn't get it. Also not looking for anything light-hearted because he needs to get schooled. I'm looking for stuff ranging from the "mildly dickish" to "total fucking dick." However, I don't want to get into the realm of property damage or hospitalization.

Also, hiding spoiled food is out of the question because that would improve the smell of his room. The guy constantly smells like a pile of wet laundry.

So here's what I got
1. Rubbing Nair in his hair when he's passed out
2. Covering the tiles in front of his door in KY Jelly
3. Hammering/Jumping on my floor (he lives in the dorm room directly below me) at odd hours
4. Waking him up at the crack of dawn and rubbing different food products in his face, saying it's "breakfast time."
5. Walling off the door to his room with duct tape and USPS boxes.
6. Sneaking in his room when he has it unlocked and putting random things under his sheets like newspaper, plastic bags, pieces of cardboard, plywood, cheap toys, etc.

[Dr. Zoidberg]

Rub Deep Heat in his jocks.

[AgentGreen]

Rub Deep Heat in his jocks.

Too "Revenge of the Nerds," plus I'm not going anywhere near his underwear.

[Roofus]

Order as many Annoy-a-trons as you can afford and stash them in his room.

[MulletMan13]

Put KY jelly or Icy Hot on his toilet seat.
Put RIT dye in his shower head (this one is brutal, but make it a subtle color).

[hearld500]

Freeze a can of shaving cream, put it in the middle of his floor and cut the can away. When the cream thaws out it's going to make a hell of a mess.

[gamedudex2]

put nair hair removal cream in his shampoo or conditioner and or body wash (i did this to a girl once) (does he have hair, its hard to tel with that fucking thing on his head)

[bizzle]

Do it, pussy.

[AgentGreen]

Do it, pussy.

It's more fun to make him suffer

[bizzle]

Do it, pussy.

It's more fun to make him suffer

Shoot his kneecaps out. A well placed bullet will result in a lot of pain.

[gamedudex2]

Do it, pussy.

It's more fun to make him suffer

Shoot his kneecaps out. A well placed bullet will result in a lot of pain.

the balls, shoot the fucker in the balls. that will surely make him suffer.

[gamedudex2]

i would go with nair in the shampoo/conditioner like i said earlier or you could just go to his room when its unlocked and sneak gay porn all over. get a crap load of play girl mags and some sex toys. g to a shit load of porn sites and add his email to the mailing lists. then leave his door open for everyone to see.

[pixel]

Subscribing him to shitty, free magazines would be a long term plan.

[MulletMan13]

For all you talking about Nair... it looks like little dude hardly has any, so that really wouldn't be a big deal.

Shave off his eyebrows.

[gamedudex2]

estrogen pills in his drink or food

[MulletMan13]

Speaking of pills get ahold of some Viagra (easier than you think) grind it up and put it in his food/drink. Works wonders, especially if he's going to a job interview or something.

[Nick]

Get some acid in sugar cube form and dissolve it in his milk or OJ right before he has a big exam.

[ace]

So I'm waging war on a disgusting little George Costanza fuck that hangs out with my friends and likes drunk-dialing me while I'm sick.

This little fuck here on the left.

I need a few more ideas than what I have already.
Not looking for anything clever or subtle, because the idiot wouldn't get it. Also not looking for anything light-hearted because he needs to get schooled. I'm looking for stuff ranging from the "mildly dickish" to "total fucking dick." However, I don't want to get into the realm of property damage or hospitalization.

Also, hiding spoiled food is out of the question because that would improve the smell of his room. The guy constantly smells like a pile of wet laundry.

So here's what I got
1. Rubbing Nair in his hair when he's passed out
2. Covering the tiles in front of his door in KY Jelly
3. Hammering/Jumping on my floor (he lives in the dorm room directly below me) at odd hours
4. Waking him up at the crack of dawn and rubbing different food products in his face, saying it's "breakfast time."
5. Walling off the door to his room with duct tape and USPS boxes.
6. Sneaking in his room when he has it unlocked and putting random things under his sheets like newspaper, plastic bags, pieces of cardboard, plywood, cheap toys, etc.

I don't like number one, because his head is shaved. I really like number 2, and I LOVE number five. If you were to do those two, plus any or all of the below suggestions, you will be teh winnar.

Freeze a can of shaving cream, put it in the middle of his floor and cut the can away. When the cream thaws out it's going to make a hell of a mess.

Subscribing him to shitty, free magazines would be a long term plan.

For all you talking about Nair... it looks like little dude hardly has any, so that really wouldn't be a big deal.

Shave off his eyebrows.

[AgentGreen]

So I'm waging war on a disgusting little George Costanza fuck that hangs out with my friends and likes drunk-dialing me while I'm sick.

This little fuck here on the left.

I need a few more ideas than what I have already.
Not looking for anything clever or subtle, because the idiot wouldn't get it. Also not looking for anything light-hearted because he needs to get schooled. I'm looking for stuff ranging from the "mildly dickish" to "total fucking dick." However, I don't want to get into the realm of property damage or hospitalization.

Also, hiding spoiled food is out of the question because that would improve the smell of his room. The guy constantly smells like a pile of wet laundry.

So here's what I got
1. Rubbing Nair in his hair when he's passed out
2. Covering the tiles in front of his door in KY Jelly
3. Hammering/Jumping on my floor (he lives in the dorm room directly below me) at odd hours
4. Waking him up at the crack of dawn and rubbing different food products in his face, saying it's "breakfast time."
5. Walling off the door to his room with duct tape and USPS boxes.
6. Sneaking in his room when he has it unlocked and putting random things under his sheets like newspaper, plastic bags, pieces of cardboard, plywood, cheap toys, etc.

I don't like number one, because his head is shaved. I really like number 2, and I LOVE number five. If you were to do those two, plus any or all of the below suggestions, you will be teh winnar.

Freeze a can of shaving cream, put it in the middle of his floor and cut the can away. When the cream thaws out it's going to make a hell of a mess.

Subscribing him to shitty, free magazines would be a long term plan.

For all you talking about Nair... it looks like little dude hardly has any, so that really wouldn't be a big deal.

Shave off his eyebrows.

He actually does have hair now. That picture of him was taken on St. Patty's day 2 years ago

[Polymira]

Honestly, ky jelly it up outside of his door, after you duct tape/box his door .... so as soon as he busts through all of that, he'll slip and break his ass.

Best combo. Do it once a week for a month.