Is your son a computer hacker?

bizzle · Post by **bizzle** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 11:05 pm

This is some of the funniest shit I've ever read. I originally read it over a year ago, and just remembered it, and hunted it down. The original article is gone, but I found a mirror of it..

http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/archive ... 9-son.html

Prophet][ · Post by **Prophet][** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 11:13 pm

wtf? According to that, I'm uber 1337.

Post by **Roofus** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 11:15 pm

That's fucking hilarious. Nice find.

8. Is your son obsessed with "Lunix"?

BSD, Lunix, Debian and Mandrake are all versions of an illegal hacker operation system, invented by a Soviet computer hacker named Linyos Torovoltos, before the Russians lost the Cold War. It is based on a program called "xenix", which was written by Microsoft for the US government. These programs are used by hackers to break into other people's computer systems to steal credit card numbers. They may also be used to break into people's stereos to steal their music, using the "mp3" program. Torovoltos is a notorious hacker, responsible for writing many hacker programs, such as "telnet", which is used by hackers to connect to machines on the internet without using a telephone.

Your son may try to install "lunix" on your hard drive. If he is careful, you may not notice its presence, however, lunix is a capricious beast, and if handled incorrectly, your son may damage your computer, and even break it completely by deleting Windows, at which point you will have to have your computer repaired by a professional.

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

-Azathoth- · Post by **-Azathoth-** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 11:20 pm

wtf...lmfao. Lunix....HAHAHAAHAHAHA

I especially liked that "connect to the internet without a phone line" bit.

Thomas · Post by **Thomas** » Sat Jul 05, 2003 11:59 pm

thats some funny $hi+.

this is great

If your son has requested a new "processor" from a company called "AMD", this is genuine cause for alarm. AMD is a third-world based company who make inferior, "knock-off" copies of American processor chips. They use child labor extensively in their third world sweatshops, and they deliberately disable the security features that American processor makers, such as Intel, use to prevent hacking. AMD chips are never sold in stores, and you will most likely be told that you have to order them from internet sites. Do not buy this chip! This is one request that you must refuse your son, if you are to have any hope of raising him well.

Calavera · Post by **Calavera** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:08 am

I didn't know Bonzi Buddy was a hacker.

bizzle · Post by **bizzle** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:09 am

Is your son a computer hacker article wrote:Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

LOL.. Hmm.. I've used Linux(oh wait they are talking about "Lunix" which is an operating system for the C64 http://lng.sourceforge.net/ so how would you run it on a pc? The retard that wrote the article must be talkign about Linux) and got rid of it, and no part of my hard disk surface was "destroyed".

Calavera · Post by **Calavera** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:12 am

If your son is using Quake, you should make hime understand that this is not acceptable to you. You should ensure all the firearms in your house are carefully locked away, and have trigger locks installed. You should also bring your concerns to the attention of his school.

We are superhackers at my school because we used to play Quake 2. Which has twice the hacking power. My school must support hacking.

404NotFound · Post by **404NotFound** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:15 am

" Linyos Torovoltos" lol excellent.

Calavera · Post by **Calavera** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:15 am

If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this)

Pacifiers around there necks?

Thomas · Post by **Thomas** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:18 am

Calavera wrote:
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this)
Pacifiers around there necks?

what are hackers ravers now?

bizzle · Post by **bizzle** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:21 am

Inu_Sess__ wrote:
Calavera wrote:
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this)
Pacifiers around there necks?
what are hackers ravers now?

I guess..?

Calavera · Post by **Calavera** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:21 am

If your son drives a black Trans AM then he is most likely a hacker. For 1982 black Trans Ams can be easily modified to become a supercomputer which can hack any system. If it has a red or yellow light on the front then he is a hacker. The light intercepts internet transmissions that goes through the air. This is only true among the ones that are black and that are T-tops, any other model is fine. If your son is driving this model shoot a high powered laser directly into the front scanner. This will blow all of the cars systems and turn it into a worthless hunk of metal.

Thomas · Post by **Thomas** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:21 am

I also like this part:

If you see the word "LILO" during your windows startup (just after you turn the machine on), your son has installed lunix. In order to get rid of it, you will have to send your computer back to the manufacturer, and have them fit a new hard drive. Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.

MetalGearRay · Post by **MetalGearRay** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:22 am

Xylene wrote:
Inu_Sess__ wrote:
Calavera wrote:
If your son has undergone a sudden change in his style of dress, you may have a hacker on your hands. They may take to carrying "glow-sticks" and some wear pacifiers around their necks. (I have no idea why they do this)
Pacifiers around there necks?
what are hackers ravers now?
I guess..?

OMG 12@VZ!

Calavera · Post by **Calavera** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:22 am

Code: Select all

Many hackers also may drive Deloreans.  That can be easily modfied with a flux capacitor(can be made for under $20 with parts available at the hardware store) that makes it travel through time.  Your son then can buy a super hacking computer such as the Amiga 500 or the C64 both are very popular with hackers.  These computers are hard to detect because Commodore made it very hacker friendly.  A simple command such as 
Hack "Dcemu",Internet
Would then bring up 
Searching for Dcemu.com
HACKING DCEMU.COM.....
HACK COMPLETED.
Newer computers are less hacker friendly. And may be considered hacker mean.

SadisticSaviorX · Post by **SadisticSaviorX** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:39 am

man.....this is like South Park the movie....kyles mom starts a war with canada cuz of a movie....this is the exact same thing......stupid adults

and the moron who wrote this crap cant even get the word Linux right.. fool

according to this i could kill bill gates with a flick of my finger..poor ignorant ba$tard

Lartrak · Post by **Lartrak** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:43 am

Xylene wrote:
Is your son a computer hacker article wrote:Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
LOL.. Hmm.. I've used Linux(oh wait they are talking about "Lunix" which is an operating system for the C64 http://lng.sourceforge.net/ so how would you run it on a pc? The retard that wrote the article must be talkign about Linux) and got rid of it, and no part of my hard disk surface was "destroyed".

Er, you do realize it's a satire piece, right?

bizzle · Post by **bizzle** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 12:54 am

Lartrak wrote:
Xylene wrote:
Is your son a computer hacker article wrote:Lunix is extremely dangerous software, and cannot be removed without destroying part of your hard disk surface.
LOL.. Hmm.. I've used Linux(oh wait they are talking about "Lunix" which is an operating system for the C64 http://lng.sourceforge.net/ so how would you run it on a pc? The retard that wrote the article must be talkign about Linux) and got rid of it, and no part of my hard disk surface was "destroyed".
Er, you do realize it's a satire piece, right?

I know its probably fake, and some one just wrote it for kicks, but it would be incredibly funny if this person was serious.

SadisticSaviorX · Post by **SadisticSaviorX** » Sun Jul 06, 2003 1:02 am

if this guy was serius he needs to be draged into the street and shot in the face with a 12 gaouge