The Best Damn OT Thread (Advice Thread)

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 2:25 am

Orange_Ribbon wrote:What is the best way to lose weight as a vegiterian?

Gastroplasty

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Informative Link

ninja · Post by **ninja** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 2:27 am

Would you agree with me that 99% of the world's population are complete idiots?

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 2:40 am

No. The percentage isnt that high. The problem is the idiots that are around are so profoundly mind bogglingly stupid that they make it appear as if there are more of them than there really are. No ...I would say its more like one third of the worlds population. But you know if you count their massive heads as additional personages then you could easily consider that 2/3. Remember, in some countries if a child even looks remotely dumb they use it as fertilizer. Thank god for these inhumane and evil practices that help weed out the portions of our population who would see us weakened in order to make life easier for themselves. Imagine if every set of stairs had a warning on every step saying "caution step ahead" all the way up. That would be what our world would be like if these abominations of gray matter outnumbered us 100 to 1.

Do your part though. As Hank Scorpio once said "if you can kill a few guys on your way out it would really help me."

that_guy · Post by **that_guy** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 2:47 am

I am a man that has to sit down to pee. How can I stop this?

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 2:55 am

Well....if your using a public restroom (god forbid) just imagine what horrible things have been done to the toilet seat then covered up by the govern..uhh ...by the cleaning staff. Imagine the most horrible toilet seat you can possibly sit on, then imagine everyone with pubic lice in a 50 mile radius sitting on that same seat. Then decide if you still want to have a seat.

When at home, imagine the ass of a family member making fleshly contact with the seat ..in the summer ..while its hot and they sweat profusely. Then decide if you want to match ass-sweat with your relatives, kinfolk, and loved ones. If that doesnt do it then I should let you know, in the time it took you to read this I had evilN take a load off in your house, dropping a cleveland steamer on the seat and spreading it around a bit.

Enjoy :)

and remember ...the flesh eating bacteria can make its way to your genitals from your ass from a toilet seat....

Neopunk · Post by **Neopunk** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 12:49 pm

thx to you Joey Calamusa is dead

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 5:29 pm

I wouldnt be so sure about that, as an evolutionary process idiots can survive without higher brain functions for an upwards of 600 days

Orange_Ribbon · Post by **Orange_Ribbon** » Thu Jul 08, 2004 11:56 pm

What if you use that sitting down time in the pot for reading Sir?

toastman · Post by **toastman** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 12:52 am

I'm looking for justification for my desires, what should I do?

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 2:51 am

Orange_Ribbon wrote:What if you use that sitting down time in the pot for reading Sir?

If you have time to read when taking a piss then standing or sitting while taking said piss is the least of your problems. Maybe you should look into your particular version of incontinence problem.

Healthy Link

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 2:58 am

toastman wrote:I'm looking for justification for my desires, what should I do?

Firstly you should start by having a larger sig than any of the little people (no offence to the little people but you should know your role). This will signify that you are above the rules and thats the first step to enforcing your will and desires upon those unfortunate enough to be in no positon to do anything at all to stop you. Secondly ...find someone and make an example of them. This should be done once a week. Be it editing their posts to make them appear more foolish than normally so or even taking pictures of a neigbor after he's gotten his ass kicked at the local bar. Just something to let everyone know that you are currently better off than they are.

So far you get the idea ..now the next step is tricky. Throw tantrums frequently. People in power must throw tantrums regularly so that the foolish peons who they have dominion over cant find the time to whine coplain or revolt against the oppression. Just find some reason to cuss some poor shmuck out every other day.

After accomplishing all this the peons will speak about you behind your back in hushed tones but they will fear your wrath. Remember ..Caligula took the privledge of bedding new brides because he could. Iron fist ..velvet glove. Now go forth and strike the fear of Gord into them all!

(last thought: if you happen to live nearby some of the site staff or visitors, running over a few of them and insenuating but not directly saying you were responsible would go a long way ..just a thought)

Egotistical EvilN · Post by **Egotistical EvilN** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 4:01 am

ag3nt_0rang3 wrote: If that doesnt do it then I should let you know, in the time it took you to read this I had evilN take a load off in your house, dropping a cleveland steamer on the seat and spreading it around a bit.

ninja · Post by **ninja** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 7:58 pm

EvilN wrote:
ag3nt_0rang3 wrote: If that doesnt do it then I should let you know, in the time it took you to read this I had evilN take a load off in your house, dropping a cleveland steamer on the seat and spreading it around a bit.

i was not expecting that. Bravo chap, you caught me off guard

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:23 pm

I take it your problem is solved then?

I should hope so ..because thats just the tip of the iceburg of debauchery that can befall your throne ..and frankly I would really rather not have to order the ferrets :|

that_guy · Post by **that_guy** » Fri Jul 09, 2004 11:26 pm

Me? Well in all honesty I just wanted to see what you would say and if i thought it would help. I saw that on a episode of Night Stand, that's where I got the idea.

MrSiggler · Post by **MrSiggler** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 1:51 am

Here is my problem.... I hope you can assist me.

I can't get Zoidberg out of my mind! All day, all night.. all I can think about.. is Zoidberg... and his forum adminory ways.... what should I do?

Rev. Layle · Post by **Rev. Layle** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 5:08 am

stalk him :looking:

Egotistical EvilN · Post by **Egotistical EvilN** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 11:32 am

How many licks does it take to get to the cener of a tootsie pop?

ace · Post by **ace** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 11:58 am

Neopunk wrote:thx to you Joey Calamusa is dead

actually, his death (from these forums) is thanks to myself and several other crusaders against him.

ag3nt_0rang3 · Post by **ag3nt_0rang3** » Sat Jul 10, 2004 11:31 pm

MrSiggler wrote:Here is my problem.... I hope you can assist me.

I can't get Zoidberg out of my mind! All day, all night.. all I can think about.. is Zoidberg... and his forum adminory ways.... what should I do?

The path is obvious. You must corner him with an ether soaked towel or small washcloth in hand. When he least suspects it, grab him by the adams apple and smash his head repeatedly into any nearby wall or solid surface that can take a few whacks. Once he is unconcious drag him to your home (discarding the ether soaked rag along the way in a nearby trash recepticle) and duct tape his hands and feet together.

There you will torture him at your leisure and record the sound of his screaming out in agony at the fiery darts of flame (all easily supplied by Home Depot: Your first stop for impliments of pain) as you shove hot branding irons into his thigh. Record a good 2 or 3 hours of these sounds from various points in the torture then release him into the wilderness.

Convert the recordings into mp3 format and listen to them on your portable media device of choice. Doing this will remind you that he is a weak bag of organic matter subject to torture just like the rest of us. Thus your problem is solved.

On the sidenote that he doesnt scream throughout the entire torture, violate him in whatever way you were intending to in the first place, then kill him quickly ..because he will escape and kill you in the most horrible way imaginable to man ..then he will find your cell phone and address book and do the same to all your friends and family and anyone who they've met in passing, then their co-workers and their friends and their pets and children and childrens friends....the slaughter would be the likes of what we all expected when first seeing darth maul in the star wars episode one trailer (without the big lucas-styled lack of plot,depth and the big letdown at the end when no one of consequence dies).

I hope that answers your question