Applications are open

Be careful where you tread in here...
Post Reply
User avatar
not just souLLy now
DCEmu Respected
DCEmu Respected
Posts: 4069
https://www.houzz.com/pro/kuchnie/
Joined: Sun Jun 13, 2004 5:53 pm
Location: UK
Has thanked: 2 times
Been thanked: 3 times

Applications are open

Post by not just souLLy now »

I am currently accepting applications to be my foe, please respond with your qualifications and experience, thanks
Image
User avatar
Specially Cork
Moderator
Moderator
Posts: 11625
Joined: Fri Apr 05, 2002 10:01 am
Has thanked: 1 time
Been thanked: 8 times

Re: Applications are open

Post by Specially Cork »

Dear SouLLy

Re: DC Emulation Forums Foe Position

I would like to apply for the DC Emulation Forums Foe Position, advertised on the DC Emulation Forums /dev/null Board.

While I have spent my online life thus far being a fairly decent bloke, I am now rapidly reaching middle age, struggling to find joy in anything and can't even find the energy to have a wank. As such, I am now increasingly hate-filled and have started reading the Daily Mail and agreeing with their content. To help with this, I'm looking for a complete change in persona and believe an entry level position as a complete cunt would be ideal. I feel like being your foe would be a great opportunity for me to really unload the shit, lower my blood pressure and start developing my skills as a massive bellend.

I do have some prior experience in name-calling you total cock-sucking twat, but I wish to remain in this position long-term and I could eventually see myself being such a fucking dick that I spend every second filling your eyes with rage and watching gleefully as the red mist descends. Some ideas I thought I could bring to the role include filming a porno with your wife and mother then putting in on PornHub and sending you the link, making false sexual harassment claims about you to the police to destroy your entire life, and telling you what I really think about that banner you made for the Wii Homebrew Channel.

I have respected you for many years and appreciate all the work you have done for the community. For that reason, I believe I would be the perfect person to tear you down a peg or ten, reducing you to a bumbling mess of a man - probably crying to Phillip Schofield on This Morning about 35-year-old trolls giving you impotence while the resident psychologist says how brave you are for speaking out. Then, looking up through your dead tear-filled pasty eyes you catch Holly Willoughby's near-permanent smile wane for a brief moment and you realise that even if you could have sex wit her, she would never want to.

Anyway. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely

Specially Cork
Image
Post Reply